I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
