Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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