I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
