guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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