He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
