Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
