gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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