Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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