Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
