you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
