My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
