I'm so fucking centered right now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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