Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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