She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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