i think my mom watched the whole time
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
