You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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