i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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