I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
