omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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