It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
