After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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