his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
