Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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