it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
