It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
