u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
