I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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