remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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