I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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