we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
