Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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