I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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