I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
