What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
