why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
