you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
