he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
