My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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