How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize