His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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