He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
