and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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