You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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