Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
