I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
please come you make the beer taste better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
