thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
