So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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