I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
