at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
