got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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