how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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