ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
