I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
