She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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