You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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