How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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