Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we're so committed to being not committed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
