dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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