ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
