You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
