is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
