guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
