party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
