"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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