She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
