Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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