Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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