Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
