i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
