She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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